forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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