Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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