I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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