If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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