Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
