your thong is hanging out like whoa
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
