oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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