you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
