and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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