I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
