I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
