I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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