My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
