I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
