just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
