In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize