Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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