your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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