Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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