I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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