i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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