haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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