i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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