I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize