we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
