I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
