And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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