This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
