no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
