i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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