Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
