Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
