Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
