So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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