I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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