i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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