I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
