Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Shame is for Republicans.
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