i just had sex bonerless
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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