So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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