whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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