I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
