her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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