U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
