i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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