I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
