You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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