I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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