I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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