Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
