remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
