why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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