She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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