We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
