I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
