i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
