You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
