I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
