I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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