Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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