is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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