we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
