Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
