She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize