Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
