it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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