im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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