I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this boner is exhausting
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
