"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
